At this point their meeting is interrupted by the sheriff who is out looking for the two escaped convicts. The sheriff asks if he can look around the premises, including where the rocket ship is located just outside. The scientist guy takes the sheriff to the electrified fence that surrounds the rocket. But what's this? The electrified fence has been turned off! I must point out here that the switch for the electrified fence is located on the outside of said fence. That doesn't seem like the most secure set up to me. Why not have the power switch located back in the office? But what do I know? Nothing, clearly.
While the scientist guy and the sheriff are outside the suit guy and the military guy continue their discussion inside. The suit guy pulls back a curtain above an instrument panel and we see the rocket ship through the window. A very poorly crafted rocket ship it must be said. It looks like someone has cut a rocket shape out of a piece of plywood and then painted it grey. It looks like that because that's what it is. And we're supposed to believe that this rocket ship is huge but is some distance away. But unfortunately it looks like what it is, namely a small model placed just the other side of the window. At this point a woman walks into the office. Apparently this is suit guy's fiancé.
We then finally meet our two escaped convict friends. And yes, they have taken refuge inside the rocket, or the lower half of the rocket to be precise. There's a ladder that leads to an upper section and we're given the impression that the two men are inside a cylindrical shaped room. They even managed to add an echo to their voices, so partial credit for that. Scientist guy starts to climb the ladder at the base of the rocket so the two convicts climb into the upper section. Scientist guy climbs up and opens the hatch to the upper section. Upon seeing the two men he shouts down to the sheriff that there's no one inside. He then shuts the hatch and climbs back down. The convicts attempt to open the hatch, but scientist guy has locked it from the other side.
Scientist guy returns later with food. And a gun. He proposes that he and the two convicts pilot the rocket to the moon, or he shoots them. The convicts, not having much of a choice, agree to his plan. So basically they attempt a take off immediately. Scientist guy starts to power up the rocket. Back in the office suit guy notices the control panel going apeshit, so he comes outside to investigate along with his fiancé. They board the bottom section of the rocket. The rocket has many switches and levers that need to be operated to execute a successful take off. None of your two levers for everything shit here. So after much lever pulling all five of them lift off into space. Here we see the obligatory footage of a V-2 missile taking off.
After take off everyone is united in the upper section of the rocket. Gary, one of the convicts, takes a shine to suit guy's fiancé. The other convict, Lon, has Rick Astley's hair. Presumably he was convicted of stealing it. I think Gary was convicted of being an unlikable git. Gary waits until he is alone with suit guy's fiancé, which is no mean feat in a rocket, and then he throws himself at her. Predictably she's not that impressed. They then encounter a meteor shower. Scientist guy gets hit on the head by something big and heavy. As he lies bleeding he says the ship is pre-programmed to land at a particular spot on the moon and that it's imperative they land there. He hands suit guy a medallion and says that he'll need it. He then says something about public outdoor swimming pools? And then he dies. Suit guy says "He's dead" just so that we're not left in any doubt.So eventually they successfully land on the moon, after the obligatory footage of a V-2 taking off, played backwards. They all put on space suits and venture out onto the surface of the "moon". Clearly they just shot the moon sections in a desert somewhere. In daylight. Yes, there's beautiful blue sky on the moon. And earth-like gravity too. Handy. They encounter these idiotic looking rock monsters. They're obviously just people dressed in foam rubber "rocks". And they're finding it incredibly difficult to move by the looks of it. So these foam rubber things shuffle along like old men while our friends pretend to be scared and act as if they're in some sort of imminent danger. They end up surrounded and so they decide to run into a cave (yeah, that'll work).
So anyway they fuck off into the cave and soon discover that it's full of breathable air and so remove their helmets. Suddenly they're all overcome by gas of some sort and pass out. When they come to they find themselves in a palace of some kind. A blue skinned woman appears and says "I am Lido, high ruler of our humble domain". Seriously, did the writers not know that a Lido is the name given to a public outdoor swimming pool in the UK? Obviously not. But this is a US production, so maybe they should be forgiven for that. The Lido woman is clearly blind. She says that our friends should rest and enjoy the hospitality. Suddenly a load more blue skinned young women appear carrying food and drink. One of the women offers suit guy a drink, but then she immediately runs over to the Lido when she sees the medallion around suit guy's neck. So suit guy is shown into another room to have a private conversation with the Lido.
The Lido, thinking that she is talking to scientist guy, says it's good that he has returned and he must tell her all about earth. Okay, so here's the story. Scientist guy was in fact one of the aliens, sent to earth a long time ago to discover if it would make a suitable home planet for their species. None of the others sent ever returned. The Lido woman explains that since scientist guy left for earth a lot has changed on the moon, and that they now have very little breathable atmosphere or food left. Suit guy decides to play along and give the impression that he's scientist guy. The Lido doesn't know any different because she's blind, and all the younger women were only small children when scientist guy left for earth. The Lido says that apparently Alpha, one of the young women, was betrothed to scientist guy before he left. So it looks as though suit guy's going to marry a young alien woman. I bet his fiancé will be delighted.
Meanwhile Gary has wasted no time in chatting up a young woman of his own. He sees that she's wearing diamonds and asks her about them. She says diamonds aren't rare or valuable at all on the moon and that she knows a place where there's loads of them. So that's Gary sorted and out of the way for a while. Good. He was starting to get on my tits by this point anyway. Lon has his own encounter with one of the young alien women, but this is of a far more subtle and romantic nature.
Suit guy finishes his chat with the Lido and comes to explain the situation to his fiancé. She's not best pleased when he mentions the marriage bit. Then his alien bride to be, Alpha appears. She says it's time for their marriage ceremony and then kisses him. Suit guy's fiancé sees red and tells Alpha who he really is, and then twats her one. So the two ladies then have a bit of a cat fight. Then Alpha goes to see the Lido. Alpha tells the Lido that all our friends apart from suit guy should die. She will still accept suit guy as her husband. The Lido says our friends shouldn't be killed. Alpha says the Lido has become old and weak and challenges her position as leader. Her challenge fails and so the Lido tells her to stop being such a bitch and do as she's told.
Two of the alien girls come and inform Alpha that our friends are trying to escape through the passages in the caves. Alpha decides that they should release the "dark creatures". The dark creatures turn out to be giant ass spiders of rather questionable quality. Okay, I did actually laugh out loud when I saw them (and when I saw the rock monsters too now I think about it). They have these googly eyes on the front, but they have just TWO googly eyes which makes them look ridiculous. They're also clearly just suspended on wires from above. Our friends elude these terrifying creatures but sadly they are quickly re-captured. Alpha puts suit guy under some sort of hypnotic mind control and tells him that all his earth friends should die. The Lido catches Alpha doing this and demands she speak to her alone. Alpha grabs her chance and kills the Lido by stabbing her in the back. As the new Lido she tells the other girls to prepare for an execution and a wedding too.
Alpha and suit guy are about to be married, but Alpha says suit guy's fiace won't see the ceremony as she is sentenced to die immediately. She is taken into the tunnels where the giant ass spiders live and tied to a stake. The marriage ceremony begins, and as seems to be customary in all alien ceremonies there is some weird dancing first. Lon's alien girl allows Lon and Gary to escape while the dancing is taking place. Lon and Gary find suit guy's fiancé and untie her. Lon's alien girl manages to break the mind control that Alpha has over suit guy. Suit guy then makes a run for it to join the others. Lon's alien girl decides that her race is too fucked up to survive so she sets off a bomb. This destroys the palace and the precious atmosphere, killing all of the alien women.
Our friends venture back outside and manage to dodge the rock monsters. They see Gary in the distance loaded down with diamonds. The sun is about to rise and they shout to Gary to drop the diamonds and run into the shade. But of course Gary ignores this advice and gets turned into barbecue. Lon, suit guy and his fiancé successfully make it back to the ship and blast off for home. The end.
I'll be honest, I don't know quite what to make of this film. I'm a bit torn. There are elements that are fairly competently done, such as the interior of the rocket ship for example. But then you have the awful too, like the ship's exterior, and the fact that it's broad daylight on the moon. And then there's the downright laughable, such as the rock monsters and spiders. I know it's only makeup, but credit should go to actually giving the alien women a different coloured skin, that's a nice touch. But then how did scientist guy end up looking human? And what happened to all the other men? It's all a bit of a mystery really. Still, this is probably one of those films where you shouldn't think to deeply about stuff, it's probably more enjoyable that way.
The acting is okay I guess, but I did find Gary and suit guy's fiancé to both be particularly annoying. I think the major problem with this film is quite simply the plot. It was pretty unbelievable from the outset and it just got even more so as the film went on. A more competently made film could maybe carry off a wacky plot like this, but sadly this film wasn't up to the job.
The similarities to Cat Women of the Moon can't be ignored either. A species of attractive alien women on the moon, mind control, giant ass spiders, the lure of wealth that leads to death, awful dancing, and ultimately all the alien women die. I tried to decide which was the better film, but I couldn't. However looking at IMDb I see that both films have a score of 3.5 out of 10. That's fair I think. Both films are equally awful. Bottom line is, if you've seen one of these films then you've seen them both. My advice; watch neither.
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