I'm trying to find more sci-fi films in the 'so shite it's good' category. Sharktopus and Robinson Crusoe on Mars are good examples of this genre. But all I've found so far are some 'so shite they're unwatchable shite' films.
I saw another one last night. This offering was called "Def-Con 4". And there are already problems. Namely with the title. For one thing it shouldn't be hyphenated, it should be "DEFCON", and secondly DEFCON 4 is only a slightly increased threat of nuclear war. Put it this way, at the moment we're at DEFCON 5, and on 9/11 we were at DEFCON 3. And as this film starts out with all-out nuclear war then the title really should've been "DEFCON 1". But no matter, the inaccurate title is the least of this film's worries.
There is no sense of drama or suspense at all in this film, ever. Even when the whole world is being obliterated by nukes and our protagonists have to observe this from space. The acting is just so bad. I haven't even mentioned the plot yet have I? Well there's two guys and a woman who are hanging out above the earth in a nuclear missile carrying space ship. Their job supposedly being to manually launch nukes in the event of a nuclear war. So anyway, the nuclear war happens and they faff about with their consciences and stuff while trying to decide whether to nuke the earth too. After much faffing about they don't launch their nukes, but by this time the earth has pretty much gone tits up anyway.
Then we have a bit more faffing about when they're actually considering going back to earth to help or something. I didn't really get this bit. At this point we've already established that they're pretty safe in their spaceship, and that they have enough supplies for four months. And yet they want to immediately return to earth after it has been nuked to shit?
Anyway, they spend so much time faffing about that their space ship decides to make the decision for them and begins falling back to earth. So they launch their nukes safely into space. Except for one of course, which gets stuck. So apparently the nuke thinks it has been launched when really it's stuck in its launcher on the ship (yes, I am absolutely sure this is how nuclear missiles work). So the only thing they can do is set the delay on the missile so that it blows up in a maximum time of 60 hours. (I think you can see where this is going). So if they could delay the detonation then why couldn't they disarm the thing? Oh well, whatever.
So their ship falls back to earth with an armed nuke on board. When they finally land one of the guys goes outside and immediately becomes dinner for the starved locals. (Hey, good non-radioactive meat is hard to come by these days, especially when it's this fresh). So the other guy and the woman decide to sit things out in the space ship for a while. The guy decides to venture out under the cover of darkness, because of course the locals will have got pissed off and gone home to bed by then. Well luckily for him this is exactly what happens.
What follows is a very Mad Max-esque type of film where society has broken down and new rather unsavoury types are in charge. Except it's nowhere near as good as Mad Max. And that's saying something because Mad Max wasn't that good either. At some point along the way the guy meets a girl called J.J. This was another area that initially caused some confusion. J.J. is wearing a school uniform. I thought that maybe she had been in the middle of some bedroom role-play session when the nukes struck. But no, J.J. is actually supposed to be a schoolgirl. I've looked on IMDb and at the time this film was made the woman playing J.J. was 26. I'm sorry, but at no point did I buy the fact that she was a schoolgirl.
So then more stuff happens, but I zoned out a bit here. But essentially the guy, the woman from the space ship and J.J. get captured by some of the aforementioned unsavoury types. They're about to be hanged and the guy escapes. He returns later to rescue the woman and J.J. but the woman dies. So the guy and J.J. take off on a sail boat to some un-nuked corner of the globe and the armed nuke on the crashed space ship finally blows up, killing all of the unsavoury types. Hooray! The end.
I can't recommend this film at all. It's cack. The plot holes are massive. The acting is wooden and the actors are unconvincing in the roles they're supposed to be playing. I won't be watching this film again, ever. And I'm kind of sorry I even bothered to watch it once. If you want a good film with the threat of imminent nuclear war, then for God's sake watch War Games instead.
You need to watch Thankskilling.
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